


Unpredictable

by poutfairyateez



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hongjoong singer, How Do I Tag, I Tried, Lovers to exes - Freeform, M/M, Mingi producer, Mingi singer, Not Beta Read, Seonghwa actor, We Die Like Men, ex to lovers, honestly lets protect hongjoong, idk what I did please forgive me, mingi is just adorable, probably going to write a prequel or a sequel to this idk, really soft, seonghwa deserves a punch and a hug, soft, yeosang is the one who is smart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poutfairyateez/pseuds/poutfairyateez
Summary: When Seonghwa and Hongjoong, Korea's It couple, broke up, the whole nation was shocked. They never addressed the reason. Seonghwa started to take more indie projects while Hongjoong went on hiatus and left for the US.Months later, Hongjoong returned to Korea but rumor has it, he's not single anymore.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Song Mingi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	1. intro

If people asked him which coffee flavor he likes, he would answer chocolate coffee. If people asked him at what time he woke up, he would say 7 am. If they asked him what kind of pens he likes to use, the answer would be gel pens.

Everything in his life was systematic, going out of lines would result in unsure steps. He didn't like to feel hesitant anymore. This is why he was sipping his hot chocolate coffee, at 7:30 am, in his flat.

He was contemplating the city out of his window with lazy eyes, wondering what kind of day he would spend today. He usually wakes up, works, eats something with his new co-writer Mingi, works, and sleeps. His life had become boring.

It had been 7 months since he moved to the US from Korea. 7 months since he put behind his shoulders his past. 7 months since his life had become something he couldn't recognize.

He signed, the mug in his hand empty. It was time to start another slow day. On the other hand, the city was everything but slow. He used to get a lot of energy the first months he moved in, that city never slept. He used to walk around without a goal, meeting people, and practicing his English. Things were easier since nobody recognized him there, it made him realize how big the world was.

Yet, he missed his old life.

Sure he was still working on music and he had almost ready his new album.

He missed the way people would recognize him, how they would stop him to say hi or to ask for an autograph. His manager scolded him daily because he used to agree with everything his fans asked, even if he was busy. He missed the coffee shop workers on the other side of the street where his agency was. He missed the convenience store where he and San spent their breaks together. He missed him.

The water of the shower tried to wash away his nostalgic feelings, the gloomy mood was never productive.

Mingi already left a message saying he would find him in the studio at 8 am, which means that Hongjoong was late. He locked his memories back in a dark corner of his mind and tried to focus on the busy day ahead, the last song was almost ready.

September was a warm month in general, he could still walk with short sleeves shirts. The evenings were different, he needed to borrow Mingi's hoodies at least once a week. He took his umbrella before leaving the house, hoping to God to see the end of the day soon, possibly with his new album ready to be released. It felt almost weird to think that he worked on a full album in 7 months when he used to take 2 back then.

Mingi said it was because he needed time to heal and there were times in which he wondered if he had overreacted.

“Earth to Hongjoong!” the said guy snapped out of his mind to find Mingi in front of him with two cups of coffee.

He grabbed the one with his name written on it with a little heart Mingi did. “Sorry, just lost in thoughts''

“I noticed” They entered the building and Hongjoong decided to lock his nostalgic thoughts and memories in a corner of his mind to focus on the last track of his album: _Heartache on the big screen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The whole story was inspired both from the prompt my Saintee linked to their request and from 5SOS song Heartache on the big screen but it's nothing too dramatic I swear.


	2. 1

“Cheers!”

Glass clinking and chatters surrounded Seonghwa. He and the whole cast of the new drama he just finished filming decided to make a little party in the building where they filmed the last scenes. 

“It was great to finally have a chance to meet and work with you” a woman he knew played one of the friends of the main character smiled at him. He nodded, putting on his formal smile that did not reach his eyes, “it was a pleasure to make this experience with a lot of talented actors.”

After some minutes spent in useless chats, he excused himself to take a non-existent call from his manager. Instead, he walked into the bathroom and called Wooyoung.

“Hello?” he could hear some noises from the game the other was playing 

Seonghwa sighed, “Wooyoung, take me out from here”

“Why me? Where is your manager?”

“Probably busy licking the feet of some producers”

Wooyoung hummed and Seonghwa could hear a sigh of frustration, probably because he made him lose the game. “Okay, big boy, send me your location. Yeosang and I will be on our way”

“Why me too?” Yeosang whined in the background but he did not get the time to answer that Wooyoung hanged up. 

He liked to spend time with other actors. He just liked it when they were in a professional ambiance while discussing the drama dynamics. Parties always started formal but ended up to be more informal than he liked them to be. Usually, people felt the right to ask personal questions after some chatting about the movie or some popular producer or register. One moment they were discussing the profilmic and the filmic of a movie and the moment after they were asking how many children he would like to have. Parties were not for Seonghwa. Definitely. 

Unfortunately, he was forced to attend because it could be seen as arrogant and could damage his public image. 

Seonghwa sighed, washing his hands because he was starting to feel suffocated and the cold water worked fine on his wrists. Public image. He did not like how much of his personal life was at stake. He could not walk to buy milk in his pajamas at the store below his place without worrying about people judging him for that. He hated the fact that he was the first one to care about the general opinion and not only because his work was on the line. Every morning, he woke up and the first thing he checked was the new articles about him. He hated himself, sometimes. 

He was not ungrateful for what he had though. He was happy to have fans supporting him in his projects. He was happy to have reliable friends to whom he could tell everything and rant about his manager. He liked to be praised for his work. He liked to make a difference because a lot of the actors he had met were arrogant and took for granted what they had. He did not want to become like that. 

An abrupt voice in the back of his mind told him he was not that different after what he did months ago, but he suppressed it when his phone displayed Wooyoung’s name. 

He had the decency to find his manager and bid his goodbyes to the whole crew and the cast. He felt like breathing again when he reached Wooyoung’s car. 

“Seonghwa you look good!” Yeosang greeted him from the passenger seat beside Wooyoung. Seonghwa glanced down at his grey suit and smiled back to his friend, “Thank you”

“Yeah, yeah get on we dropped our game for you” Wooyoung grinned from the driver seat and Seonghwa rolled his eyes with a tiny smile on his lips. 

The ride was silent for some moments before they started talking about their days. Yeosang not so subtly tried to take off some spoilers of the drama without getting results. Seonghwa tuned out their conversation and watched the city outside, he relaxed when he felt the chilly air coming from Wooyoung’s window, the end of September almost felt like a deadlock, he felt like he was waiting for something to happen. 

“What?” The scandalous tone Wooyoung used towards Yeosang made Seonghwa go back to reality, “San told you that?” 

Yeosang hummed, changing the song on the radio, “He heard that from Yunho.” 

Seonghwa felt a sharp wave of sadness and guilt building in his stomach at the mention of the two guys they were not seeing as often as they used to. Yeosang kept chatting and going out with Jongho and Yunho, eventually San. Wooyoung just happened to distance himself from them. Seonghwa felt chargeable both because it was his fault their group went through some awkward moments and Wooyoung felt the need to stay closer to Seonghwa. Eventually, he drifted apart from them. He would still talk to them if he happened to meet them, at least that was what he said to Seonghwa. He knew they were not the ones at fault. 

Wooyoung glanced at him from the mirror and smirked, “Almost there, Sir.”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes again and let the conversation flow without barging in. He was trying to keep away the thoughts regarding a certain singer, who had moved to the US for 7 months already, from his mind. 

“We’re here, want us to come inside with you?” Yeosang turned to look at him. Seonghwa shook his head and took his jacket before leaning to muffle their hair. “No, thank you, it’s late and you both need to sleep.”

Wooyoung scoffed, “As if, you are just too old to handle us”

“How much sleep have you gotten in the last 24 hours?”

Wooyoung and Yeosang glanced at each other before averting their eyes in the opposite direction. Seonghwa huffed a laugh and left the car. “Try to get some sleep you two!” 

His apartment was not the biggest but it felt like home. The convenience store below the building was always open and he glanced at its inside to greet the part-timer he grew accustomed to seeing almost every night. He felt bad for the boy, clearly a student, who tried to stay awake and study during the night to spend his night shift and try to not drop off school because of low grades. 

He reached his apartment on the third floor of the building and sighed a breath he did not know he was keeping. He felt safe, far from the world’s eyes. 

He slowly began to get ready to sleep, he had no schedule for the day after so he could take it slow and maybe sleep a little more than 4 hours. He ignored his manager’s email about some producers he managed to get the number from and took a hot shower. His mind felt cloudy but it wasn’t uncomfortable, it almost felt like his mind was trying to give him rest from thinking about something specific. 

He decided to play some music and managed to clean a bit of his apartment before making some tea. The sweet melody of  _ Flashlight  _ by Jessie J started to play and fill his surroundings. He sadly smiled at the memories that song took back. Disappointed in his mind which immediately thought that the original song was nothing compared to the cover  _ Hongjoong  _ used to sing him. 

He sat on the sofa, lowering the volume of the radio, and sighed. He hated himself for feeling the need to check the news online, always scared something about him could come up. He opened Twitter and scrolled some minutes, he even liked some tweets about the party they had earlier. He scrolled up again to update the timeline one last time and a new article popped up. 

He froze. 

_ “Kim Hongjoong returned to Korea with a new album and a new boyfriend?”  _

The caption was repeated on the link of the actual article linked to the tweet. A picture was taken from the airport showed Hongjoong with short white hair, a tired appearance because of the flight, and a taller guy beside him, who was keeping an arm around Hongjoong’s shoulders and smiled while talking. The fixed frame seemed to burn Seonghwa’s eyes. 

“It is from koreaboo… it is not reliable, isn’t it..?” he muttered to himself, immediately searching Hongjoong’s name on the search bar. The same picture of the article popped up, along with others that were taken by some fans. In each of them, the tall guy was glued to Hongjoong. 

Seonghwa bit his lip and stared at the single picture he managed to find without the tall one. Hongjoong was waving his hand, smiling kindly at his fans. His eyes held tiredness but he could tell he was happy to see them, he knew how much he cared about his fans. He was not wearing a mask and in another picture, he saw his bright smile, with his teeth showing. He felt a twinge in his heart. He had missed him. 

Another sharp ache replaced the previous sensation and stared at the tall guy with faded red hair and a long beige coat on, he was smiling timidly at the cameras and he could tell he was not used to that attention. Had Hongjoong moved on from their relationship? 

_ Who was this guy? _


	3. 2

Hongjoong had missed Seoul. What he had not missed was the jet lag. He was not famous for his healthy sleep routine so jet lag was not helping him get on track. He and Mingi took a day off to rest because of that and despite his manager’s worries, he managed to convince the taller guy to stay at his house for some time. 

Mingi was still unsure of what to do, he accepted to come back to South Korea because of Hongjoong and the new album. He did not decide if he was going to stay for good. Until then, he and Hongjoong became flatmates at the latter’s apartment. 

Hongjoong sipped his warm Americano looking out the window, the city lights looked different there. The warm weather from the US turned to be chilly in his own country. He enjoyed the cold but in the back of his mind, cold weather was linked to deep memories he would not want to take back in front of his eyes. 

Mingi walked in the kitchen with sleep shaped hair and eyes still half-closed, “Good morning”

“It’s 8 pm”

Mingi sighed, took something quick to eat, and went back to bed. Hongjoong giggled, for being a giant, Mingi kind of acted like a child sometimes. He took his time in replying to Yunho and San. Both of them went crazy when they saw the articles the previous evening and they were surprised because Hongjoong did not say he was going to come back home the last time they had the time to talk through FaceTime. They asked to meet up that evening but Hongjoong decided to stay at home and rest.

His manager had texted him the koreaboo article that was gaining attention on the internet and he was thinking in a way to deny everything both because he did not want this kind of gossip around the time he will be releasing the new album and because he knew Mingi was not used to that type of attention and got easily overwhelmed. 

He uploaded a picture on Twitter with a simple caption “home” and scrolled through the comments smiling at the sweet words his fans always seemed to have ready. It was heartwarming to feel that kind of support. 

Yunho’s name popped up on his screen and he gladly accepted the call, knowing he would find the guy with San. 

“Hello?”

 _“Don’t hello us we are still mad!”_ San’s high pitch made him immediately laugh, he sounded more drunk than offended. 

“I will make you forgive me” he leaned back on the glass of his window, “are you drunk?”

 _“Not yet”_ San laughed and Hongjoong sighed, he was indeed drunk _“Don’t worry, I didn’t drink”_ Yunho’s warm voice reassured him. 

_“Hi Hongjoong!”_ he was surprised to hear a third voice that wasn’t Jongho, but Yeosang. He froze and thanked they could not see him

“Hi Yeosang” he answered and he could swear they could sense his surprise from the voice only, _“Jongho is on his way if you want to stay in the line and wait for him”_ Yeosang’s tone was soft and calm, just like he remembered it to be. 

They talked for some time and he got to say hi to Jongho just a few minutes before hanging up the call. He was happy to know the friendship between them and Yeosang was still enjoyable, he was scared of what happened between him and Seonghwa would have put some discomfort on the group. From what Yeosang had told him, Wooyoung was the one of the two who distanced himself more. He didn’t say Seonghwa's name, but he implied his friends had no contact with him anymore. 

He wasn’t sure of how to feel. He kept on saying he was over it but in fact, he wasn’t. He was still angry and disappointed, he didn’t even get a reason for their break up. Hell, he didn’t even know of their break up until his manager sent him the article with Seonghwa’s interview in it.

_“Joongie and I decided to part ways”_

He even got the audacity to use a nickname for that statement as if it was something they both discussed and agreed on. Bullshits. 

He shook his head to get rid of the annoying memory and checked one last time his schedule for the day after. 4 interviews were scheduled throughout the whole day, so he assumed he could take it slow and try to not rush in his answers. The first interview required a photoshoot session before it, and it was scheduled at 9 am. He had missed the adrenaline and anticipation of a comeback, he couldn’t wait to start the day after. 

With those kinds of thoughts, he fell asleep for the rest of the night. 

“You are late!” 

The first thing Hongjoong would have wanted to hear in the morning was, maybe, a soft good morning along with a tray of coffee and sweets to start the day with the right foot. Instead, he happened to live with a loud man now. 

Hongjoong growled and stuffed his head below the pillow, “5 more minutes” he muttered 

“What happened to the man who was up at 7 am every day”

“He is still under the jet lag influence” 

Mingi chuckled and left his room, leaving his door wide open. He could sense the tiredness of his body, despite the hours of sleep he managed to fulfill. 

He opened an eye to catch the 8:15 am on the digital clock beside his bed, closing it again and breathing in the soft pillow. The smell of coffee and eggs reached his noose just when the 15 turned to 16. 

He sighed and decided to get up before the coziness of his bed convinced him to drift again. 

“Your manager called me, he said he is going to come in 30 minutes” Mingi’s joyful voice in the morning was the only thing he managed to register. 

After a shower and 5 minutes spent watching his reflection on the mirror trying to decide his next hair color, he stepped into the kitchen to find Mingi happily humming a tune while scrolling on the phone.

“Finally, _darling,_ ” he mocked. Hongjoong rolled his eyes ``You saw the article, I see”

“Are we official now?” Mingi stuffed the last piece of egg in his mouth before laughing at Hongjoong’s face.

“No offense, but you are not my type Mingi” 

“Ouch”

His mind drifted unwillingly on a sudden thought. He asked himself if Seonghwa had seen the koreaboo article and he wondered about his reaction. He cursed himself for being dumb. Seonghwa was the one who ended things between them, the news of him with a new boyfriend could not annoy him. 

“A photoshoot? Can I come too?” he peeped at Mingi who was watching his schedule and Hongjoong mentally face palmed himself, he had not thought about telling Mingi _their_ schedule. Despite him being a solo singer, he indeed made some songs thanks to Mingi and two of them actually were a duo with the friend, so he wanted him to appear on the interviews too. 

“Yeah, we have interviews too. I want you to be included” he munched his slice of bread

“But…” Mingi glanced at him “I’m not…” he looked so unsure that Hongjoong actually felt guilty for not discussing it before. 

“Listen Mingi, I know this is sudden but I really want you to be part of the promotion. This album was basically made thanks to you” Mingi let a sweet smile grow on his lips 

“This means I can get cool pictures with you?” 

They laughed together and Hongjoong felt relief spread in his chest. He would never want Mingi to feel forced into something. He also knew that promotions could catch the attention of other artists who may want to collaborate with him or produce something. And he knew Mingi would have been happy with it. 

However, he was now regretting his life choices. He and Mingi were currently on their way to the photoshoot location and his manager had the idea to put on some opera music and now he was stuck in the car with two people _screaming_ instead of singing. His manager finally discovered someone who would listen to Opera music with him and couldn’t be happier. Hongjoong, however, felt like opening the car’s door and jumping off.

Luckily, they arrived at the building of the photoshoot and they were left in front of it. They were told to wait inside for their pass badges.

“Do you think there is a cafeteria in this building?”

Hongjoong eyed him suspiciously “why?”

“I want donuts”

“We had breakfast one hour ago..?”

“What about it?” Mingi kept on watching around and he suddenly grabbed Hongjoong’s hand to take him near some vending machines. He was so focused on the machines that he didn’t see the two people that were walking in front of them and crushed on them.

Luckily enough, no one’s ass touched the floor. 

Mingi bowed as soon as he realized what happened and Hongjoong was about to do the same if it wasn’t that he knew the two people in front of him. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you, I was distracted” Mingi’s eyes were filled up with sincerity and the older man smiled nervously at him.

“Hongjoong”

The sound of his name was like he remembered it to be. Smooth, tender, and inexplicably right in his ears. 

Mingi looked up at the younger man in front of them and he felt a throb in his chest because he knew Hongjoong wasn’t ready to meet him again, no matter how much the friend wanted to look strong.

“Seonghwa, what are you doing here?” His voice sounded more composed than he expected it to be and thanked Heaven for that, he couldn’t afford to sound vulnerable. Not in front of Seonghwa. Not when he was supposed to be over _them._

“Oh, Seonghwa has an interview regarding his new drama” the older man, his manager, replied instead. He laughed apprehensively and his fingers kept on tugging on his pants’ pocket.

Seonghwa looked at him with an expression Hongjoong couldn’t quite decode “It’s been… a while” and Hongjoong hated how his heart tensed at the melodious voice of the other man. He had known him as a friend and as a lover and he damned himself for recognizing the troubled eyes Seonghwa had on.

“Yes” yet, he couldn’t find a way to reach for him.

“You must be Mingi?” Hongjoong looked at Mingi wincing when the attention of the young man was directed towards him instead.

“Oh… yes, nice to meet you Park Seonghwa” they shook hands and if Mingi noticed how Seonghwa’s grip was a little stronger than it should have been, he decided to keep it for himself.

“Seonghwa we should go'' his manager pressed him, already on his way to the elevator. Seonghwa looked at Hongjoong again and decided to bid his goodbyes bowing without a word. 

Hongjoong felt like he could exhale again once he saw Seonghwa reach the elevator. However, before he could say something to his friend about those vending machines Seonghwa was back in front of them again, a puzzled look took over his face.

He looked straight up at Mingi, “I am sorry, I will sound out of line but … are you two together?” 

The taller man raised an eyebrow and a solemn expression took over his features. 

“What if we are?”

Hongjoong widened his eyes at the reply and opened his mouth to say something because it wasn’t his idea to put an engine on the rumor’s flame. And Mingi wasn’t helping with that.

“Hongjoong” Seonghwa glanced at him and he felt like a dumb fish with his mouth slightly opened “I know I have no right to ask or demand anything from you…” his eyes went down, looking at his own feet 

“But please don’t ignore my call later”

And with that, he was gone again. He chewed his lips trying to calm the racing heart in his chest. He could feel a reassuring hand on his shoulder but the only thing he could hear was the loud thought in his mind that cried _I am so fucked now._


	4. 3

If making questionable decisions had been a race, he would have won first place. Hands down. 

He thought about it before stopping the ex he broke up with? Absolutely not

Did his manager scold him because of the hurried decision he took? Of course yes

Was he aware of the fact that Wooyoung would never shut up about this? Painfully yes

He didn’t regret it.

Seonghwa felt the need to adjust the fragile pieces that were put together in a rush when the news of their relationship ended up on every website. He knew he had no right to demand something from the younger man and he couldn’t have judged him if Seonghwa’s number happened to be blocked. However, he still felt connected to him, and he could easily detach the reason behind that feeling.

He sat on the seat in front of a big and bright glass with light bulbs around it and let the man work on his make-up. His mind still full of Hongjoong, and a concerning amount of stupid ways to break the ice once he would talk to him again. To be fair, Seonghwa was not good with words. At all. He had a lot of things to say in his mind and actually formed a coherent way to speak up but in the end, he just slipped on his own words and would end up looking dumb. Maybe that’s why his manager was the one to talk to any assistants and producers instead of himself.

He sighed, ready to answer another set of cringy questions and a bunch of the usual questions reporters always had when a new movie or drama happened to be released. 

With those thoughts in mind, he truly didn’t expect the woman in front of him to open his mouth and talk about the man who was living in his mind rent-free for some days.

“We saw that Kim Hongjoong is back and our viewers were curious to ask some questions, I hope it is not a problem.” The cordial smile on her lips was so false that even the supermarket bag with a paper attached to it to form the word Gucci could have looked more authentic. 

Seonghwa forced himself to remain composed, “of course not” 

“Very well! Some people are speculating about his new lover, what do you think about it?” 

_ Why is this important? _

Seonghwa bit his inside cheek and tried to find a way to make the conversation about Hongjoong end as quickly as he could. 

“I wish for his happiness only, if they are together and they are happy, then I’m happy too”  _ well done Seonghwa you look like a childish kid right now _

“As expected from you” the woman left a professional laugh and Seonghwa followed her, “You and Kim Hongjoong are still friends to this day?”

“We lost touch when he left the country, unfortunately.”

“That’s a shame” the fake pout she formed made Seonghwa hope the conversation could divert to the drama topic instead.

Luckily, the interview didn’t last long, just a few more minutes, and before he had time to think again, he was already back in his car ready to head out for his next schedule.

He looked back at his phone to find a message from Wooyoung 

** From: Loud ass **

He is back

** From: Loud ass **

Don’t do anything stupid

Seonghwa nibbled his lip and decided to not reply, Wooyoung wouldn’t be happy to learn about the fact that he had already done something stupid. 

The whole morning passed slowly between interviews, photoshoots with other actors from the cast he hoped to not meet again and a rushed lunch in between the car rides through the city. He didn’t have enough time to think, and that was on a positive note. However, he was facing the consequences of his actions now. He looked at the mirror in the bathroom and tried to calm down. His phone felt heavy on his hand, the screen showed Hongjoong’s contact. 

To be true, he had not planned to call Hongjoong so he didn’t have a speech ready and actually he still didn’t get why he decided to go with a phone call. 

Seonghwa whined at himself and closed his eyes, frustrated with the fact that he, a grown man, had problems in making a call. A call to his ex-boyfriend. A call to his ex-boyfriend he had broken up with without even  _ talking  _ about it to said man. A call to a man his agency forced him to break up just to gain attention from the media. A call to a man who probably hated him and had all the rights to.

Without warning, Seonghwa’s eyes started to get watery. He was sad and angry. Angry at himself and the stupid mind when he decided to go with his agency’s plan just to gain attention and to get more jobs to gain more money to help his family back home. Sad because he perfectly remembered how good it felt to be with Hongjoong. He was so carefree and gracious, a homey person both in heart and gestures. He was selfless and would do anything for the people he cared about. Seonghwa used to love the harmless teasing, the loud and off-tune songs sang in their apartments while baking cookies Hongjoong would have decorated with some sticky icing. He missed him, and he knew he was late but he decided he couldn’t live with the guilt of what he did. 

Hongjoong deserved to know the truth. And despite his heart clenching painfully, he was okay if the other man had found the love in another person who surely deserved his love more than he did. What he said in the interview was true, he just wanted Hongjoong to be happy, even if he couldn’t be part of his happiness. 

He observed the phone in his hand and sighed again, the weight on his chest got a little bit heavier. He embraced the discomfort, for once, and pressed the call button. 

After some moments of incessantly beeping, the slight automatic voice of Hongjoong voice ringed in his ear and suddenly, the pressure on his chest vanished. A melancholy smile appeared on his face, Hongjoong still had a comforting effect on him.

“ _ Hello?” _

Seonghwa blinked twice before noticing he still hadn’t uttered a word

“Oh! Yes, I’m sorry I got caught in a thought,” an agitated chuckle after he took a big breath “Uhm… how are you doing?”

Hongjoong took his time to reply, probably confused by the whole call vibe.

_ “What did you want to talk about?”  _ Seonghwa couldn’t sense annoyance but he got the hint of him being busy at the moment, “I… can we meet up? I would like to talk about it in person”

_ “Why? You are good at saying things without discussing it with me”  _

He accused the hit. He bit his lips while the now-familiar fault sensation filled his mind and heart a bit more. “I would like to do things… in the right way this time, if you are up to”

_ “I am free this evening, come to my house.”  _ There was a moment of silence in which Seonghwa did not know if he had to bid his goodbyes or not,  _ “I prefer to have Mingi with me and to not fuel gossips around in meeting you in public” _

He missed those times in which they could spend time together in public without worrying about gossip since they were already official. He missed linking their hands and smiled sweetly at the man, looking at him while he got excited to buy street food and to eat it while walking through the park. 

“I.. yes of course” he closed his eyes, the uneasiness showered him but tried to not let it show in his voice tone, “I will see you later, then?”

_ “See you later”  _

He hung up. 

“You sure about that, hwa?” Yeosang uttered, playing with the straw of the iced coffee he was drinking despite the chilly weather. Wooyoung, beside him, huffed “I don’t think it’s a good idea” 

Yeosang glared at him, “I mean, it is good you want to clear things up” Yeosang nodded in agreement with his friend, “but..”

“Stop there.” Yeosang interrupted him, narrowing his eyes at him and Wooyoung rolled up his. 

“If you are sure about that, go on. They won’t beat the shit out of you even if Hongjoong has every right to” he sipped on his drink, eyeing Seonghwa who was giving no peace to his inside cheek with how much he was biting it. 

“I am really sorry for what I did, I want him to know what there was behind that… it is not entirely my fault, right?” Seonghwa whined 

“Not entirely, of course, you had your reasons but I still stand on Hongjoong’s side on this matter, it was an awful move” Yeosang sighed, “I cannot imagine how he must have felt” 

Woyoung took a bite of his cake slice, it wasn’t that he thought Seonghwa was all innocent, but he still thought Hongjoong should try to understand his friend’s reasons. At the end of the day, Seonghwa suffered too right?

“Look, I know you both suffered” Seonghwa glanced up at the blonde boy in front of him, his glass now empty from the liquid, and just a few ice cubes were left. “But he got it worse, just keep that in mind”

“I know” he murmured, guilty and mad at himself. 

“Don’t go too hard on yourself, though” Wooyoung murmured, a comforting hand on Seonghwa’s shoulder. Seonghwa returned the gesture with a kind smile, he felt so lucky to have his friends beside him. They were always ready to be a support and a great source of inspiration, he knew he could count on them with this matter. Yeosang and Wooyoung never judged him too harshly for what he did, Wooyoung got protective, maybe because he could relate to Seonghwa's home situation. Yeosang was never able to hide his disappointment but never left Seonghwa’s side. 

“You should go, right? He texted you to go around 9 pm” 

Seonghwa glanced down to his phone which was showing a big and intimidating 8:40 pm. He nodded while getting up and tried to gather enough courage to face Hongjoong again, that morning happened to be a sudden meeting neither of the two had planned and he let adrenaline take over. Now, he was rather scared. 

“Good luck!” Both of his friends smiled at him, forcing him to smile back on impulse. 

Luckily enough, the cafe his friends have chosen for their meetup was not far away from Hongjoong’s district. He took a walk trying to hide his face with a mask and a cap, he hoped no one had spotted him. 

If there was something that never failed to ease Seonghwa, it was taking a walk. However, that time, it wasn’t relaxing at all and felt more nerve-wracking. 

Hongjoong’s complex came into his view sooner than he expected. He noticed the lights were turned on. 

_ C’mon Seonghwa don’t be a coward again _

The beeping sound of the elevator made him slightly jump in his place. Hongjoong’s apartment was just a few strides in front of him. 

He took a big breath and put a hand on his chest, he could hear his beating heart in his ears more than in his chest. 

When he rang the bell, however, Mingi showed up. He was… different from that morning, Seonghwa stated. His hair was messier and the formal clothes had been replaced with a pink hoodie Seonghwa recognized as Hongjoong’s, it was the same hoodie he used to wear when he happened to stay at his apartment for the night. 

“Uh?” Mingi’s eyes glanced lazily at him, furrowing his brows and Seonghwa would have coed at him in a normal situation because Mingi had seemed intimidating to him earlier in the day but now he looked just as disoriented and cute as a child who just woke up. “Ah, Seonghwa right?” 

Seonghwa nodded, Mingi yawned while turning around and leaving the door open. 

“Mingi, is that my hoodie?” he could hear the indignation tone painting Hongjoong’s voice from the entrance while he was taking off his shows. 

“You are too tiny for this, now it’s mine.” there was no bite in Mingi’s voice, “I’m going back to sleep” 

When Seonghwa entered the living room, Hongjoong was rolling his eyes to the sky, picking up a pillow from the floor. 

Seonghwa swallowed his thoughts about how  _ cute  _ Hongjoong looked in his house attire, he looked comfortable and the gloomy light his eyes displayed didn’t sit right with Seonghwa, but he knew he was the cause of that. 

“Shall we sit?” Hongjoong fake coughed while walking in the kitchen to take his hands busy. “Do you want tea? I have the strawberry one” he chewed his lower lip when he realized what he had just said.

Seonghwa smiled at him “thank you but I’m okay, don’t worry about it”

Hongjoong nodded, putting on some water for himself. He glanced at his slipper-covered feet and felt his cheeks warmed up. 

“So,” he took a seat at the kitchen table, gesturing to Seongwa to do the same “what’s this about?”

Seonghwa, for a second, just stared at the other man. Hongjoong was avoiding his eyes and it broke his heart more than he could have imagined. 

“I… guess I wanted to apologize” Hongjoong leaned on the table on his elbows, hands linked on the cup of water that was slowly getting pink from the tea. Strawberry scent filled the air between them. “I should have told you everything beforehand” 

Seonghwa bit his lips, trying to remember the speech he mentally prepared. 

“I think I should just start from the beginning”

“That would be nice” Hongjoong, being the sweet and kind human being he was, noticed how nervous and jumpy Seonghwa was, and despite being hurt and still bitter, more at himself than the other man, he let a reassuring smile paint on his lips. “I want to listen”

And it was more than Seonghwa deserved, in his opinion. 

_ It was a rainy day when Seonghwa got called into his agency’s CEO office. His manager had left him in front of the door, stating he would have found him at the cafeteria downstairs.  _

_ Seonghwa could feel the nervousness fill his body. It was the first time he visited that office. Even when he had been told of his first movie cast, he had been in his apartment. He still remembers how he got excited and spilled orange juice all over Wooyoung.  _

_ Taking a deep breath, he knocked.  _

_ The office was bright and minimal, just a white room with different shades of brown as furniture and some plants - mostly fake plants - around. The CEO sat on a white office chair behind the desk, placed in the middle of the room.  _

_ “Seonghwa! Come, take a seat.” the man, who Seonghwa assumed was no younger than 56 years old, greeted him _

_ He didn’t feel at ease even after returning the kind smile. He took a seat in the - he must admit - comfortable chairs in front of the desk. He had to turn his head to the left to watch the CEO, careful not to bump in the glass coffee table in front of him. _

_ The man placed a couple of papers on his right, leaving a pen above them, “How are you doing with your last work? Is filming going well?”  _

_ “Yes, Sir. It is such a great opportunity to work with a lot of more experienced actors,” Seonghwa genuinely smiled, “I feel like I am learning a lot” _

_ “That’s good to hear” the man nodded at his own words, a singular smile on his lips. Seonghwa tried to relax and let the uneasiness fade.  _

_ “And what about your relationship with Kim Hongjoong?”  _

_ Seonghwa tensed. He knew that being open about his sexuality, in a field as big and cruel as the entertainment was a step in the dark, but his agency - and Hongjoong’s - had never complained about it, nor they denied them the opportunity to be together. _

_ “Things are going well, Sir, thank you for asking,” he responded, left hand on the other one and massaging it to calm down.  _

_ “That’s…” he took some moments as if he was trying to search for the right words to say. “Unfortunate” _

_ “Excuse me?” his heartbeat got louder in his ears _

_ The CEO got up from his chair to reach the large window in the office, right behind the desk. Hands clasped behind his back, which was now facing Seonghwa’s tensed expression.  _

_ “I am aware of your feeling for Kim Hongjoong, and I hope you are aware of your contract’s details regarding the dating section”  _

_ Seonghwa bit his lip in confusion, “Of course I am Sir, the contract states that I can date whoever I want at any given time, except for cases that would drag down the agency reputation”  _

_ The man nodded, seeming satisfied by the summary of the long contract section Seonghwa had learned by heart.  _

_ “Exactly. That’s why I need you and Kim Hongjoong to part ways” _

_ “What?” he stood up, “but, Hongjoong did nothing to damage the agency” _

_ “No, you are right. He did not, directly and not yet” he turned, fake concern and pained expression. “However, the public and the media are now used to see you two together. When you and Kim Hongjoong started dating, plenty of requests for you to appear on dramas, movies, and shows filled our offices in no time” _

_ Seonghwa felt like throwing up, imagining how this was going to turn.  _

_ “Now, since it is normality to see you two together, things have been quiet. Consequently, we got fewer requests and that means less work for you and less money for us.” _

_ He felt like crying  _

_ “We value humanity, of course, but we are an agency among lots of others. We cannot afford that.” he furrowed his eyebrows with fake concern, noticing the teary eyes of the young actor in front of him, “I already scheduled an interview regarding this matter.” _

_ He took his seat again, taking the papers he had left at the beginning of the conversation, making it clear that the talk was over, “I trust your judgment on this, and your responsibility towards your family” _

_ Seonghwa felt like a kicked dog. A kicked dog who had to steal from kids to eat, making them cry about their lost food.  _

_ He was going to make Hongjoong cry, and he hated himself from that moment.  _


	5. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read notes at the end

“That’s all, I think” by the time Seonghwa stopped talking, Hongjoong’s tea was cold. Silence overcame the place, words sinking into the other man’s mind. Seonghwa noticed how he felt immediately better. 

He looked up from his hands and bit his lip. Hongjoong ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “Okay”

“Okay?” confusion filled Seonghwa’s mind 

“Yeah, okay.” he got up and chills ran through his body, feeling like he was going to be kicked out. “Thank you for telling me, I guess.” the clinking sound of the mug being placed in the sink sounded like the only functioning brain cell in the man’s mind.

“I- what does that mean?” 

“I wished you could have just talked to me, you know,” he turned again, facing Seonghwa who could see the sadness and the  _ disappointment  _ on his face. “I wish you could have trusted me on this, we could have found a solution together” 

Guilty bubbled up again in his stomach 

“I wish you could have trusted us more” 

His eyes started to sting

“Why are you telling me this now? Do you want to get back together because your work has been slow?” the bite in his voice didn’t hurt as much as the glare he got the moment he attempted to look at him. 

Seonghwa felt his stomach and heart drop.

“What? No!” he got up, panicking “I wasn’t even thinking of that!”

“Then why? Because you look kind of suspicious right now” he shut his eyes, trying to soothe his heart. “Because it was the right thing to do… I didn’t do the right thing months ago and I felt so bad about it I couldn’t even text you because I was ashamed of myself and knew I didn’t deserve to talk to you” 

Seonghwa took a moment to regain the mental strength he needed to finish his speech, “I don’t want to make you suffer, not anymore. I already caused enough hurt” he muttered under his breath, wiping tears away. He didn’t feel he had the right to cry. 

There were some moments of quiet again, interrupted by the city noises. Hongjoong was conflicted, a part of him wanted to desperately believe Seonghwa. On the other hand, even if he had talked about it with him this time, a low voice in his mind kept on telling him Seonghwa had a secondary purpose with this claim. 

“I don’t know what you expect me to say, Seonghwa” a raspy voice exited Hongjoong’s mouth.

“I don’t expect anything from you, I just … wanted you to know” eyes got set on the wooden surface of the table, “I guess I hoped we could, you know, get to be friends again if you are willing to” 

Hongjoong’s heart skipped a beat 

“I don’t expect us to go out with the others again like nothing happened” Seonghwa urged to add, “just, if you want, we can text? Like friends do I mean” 

He could hear Mingi’s voice in the back of his head scolding him for what he was about to do. He sighed and nodded. “Okay”

Seonghwa looked unsure at his reply, “okay? Hongjoong I don’t want you to feel forced”

“I don’t feel forced…” his fingers trailed the shape of the counter, “I actually really missed you” he whispered but the place was silent enough for Seonghwa to hear it. 

“Me too” a bitter smile took over his lips, not meeting his eyes entirely. 

Hongjoong slowly walked in front of him, piercing his lip “I know we just agreed on being friends again and it still feels awkward but… can we hug?” a light shade of pink colored Hongjoong’s cheeks. He felt embarrassed for being touch-starved, not that Mingi didn’t cuddle him, the other man loved cuddling. However, Seonghwa’s hugs had always felt different. 

“Sure, friends do that right?” he laughed, embracing Hongjoong’s figure. 

They stayed like that for some moments, or minutes, Hongjoong couldn't tell. He had missed how safe and warm he felt in Seonghwa’s arms. He had missed his natural fragrance and his slightly ruined hair he could see from that position. He had missed the way Seonghwa had the habit to start swinging while hugging, he had always reminded him of a penguin. 

“I think..” Hongjoong began, going along with the slight movement, “it will take me some time to get completely over it”

Seonghwa hoped that by it he meant what he did and not them as a couple. He was selfish, he still loved Hongjoong from the bottom of his heart, and not being able to speak it out was making him feel worse. 

“I understand, take your time” he nodded, lowering his face on Hongjoong’s head. Their position was embarrassingly intimate and they both were aware of that but, in their minds, they couldn’t find the heart to stop the hug. 

“I should head back home” Seonghwa started to remove his arms from around the other man who managed to control himself and the need to make Seonghwa stay, “Okay”

“Thank you for listening to me” the first true smile started to spread on his face. Hongjoong had missed him way more than he would like to admit, “Thank you for telling me”

The younger brought Seonghwa to the door, flashing him a tiny smile when he got outside the apartment. He was slowly walking towards the elevator when he heard his name being called again. 

He turned to find a noticeable conflicted Hongjoong in front of the door of his apartment. He tilted his head, curiosity filling his brain “Did you mean that?”

A confused expression took over his features and he immediately thought he had said something wrong without noticing. An alarming sensation started to take the confusion by hand

“What you said in the interview this morning” 

He took some moments to recall his memories and to make his mind work, “About you being happy with that Mingi person?”

Hongjoong nodded

“Yes, I want you to be happy even if I am not part, or the cause, of that happiness.” he felt exposed. In some way, speaking like this to an interviewer didn’t make him feel so self-conscious. Exposing his thoughts and feelings to Hongjoong, made him feel vulnerable yet incredibly happier. 

“That means… you lost hope for  _ us?''  _ He forced himself to not read too much into Hongjoong’s voice but he would be a liar if he said that questions didn’t light up his hopes again.

His eyes got softer, a sad smile on while his ears turned red “No.” 

“If you told me I can still have hope for an  _ us,  _ I would do anything in my power to get your trust back and to hold you again like I used to” it felt wrong to have that kind of conversation in the middle of the corridor. 

Hongjoong nodded, smiling again and going back into his apartment, wishing him a safe trip back home and leaving Seonghwa confused and without an actual answer. 

On the way back home, while he was trying to calm himself enough to call Wooyoung or Yeosang, he got a message from Hongjoong

** From: Joong **

_ I guess you can still have hope _

Suddenly, Seonghwa felt like breathing again. Back in his apartment, Hongjoong didn't feel frightened of the uncertainty that was slowly peeking in his life again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you liked it even if it's nothing detailed or big... thank you if you read it till here! I hope it didn't sound rushed, I tried my best ;-;


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